Divorced fathers day
"I just want to be able to get on with my life without having to deal with my ex" he said. I looked at him with sympathy. It's a difficult road ahead.
"I hate to tell you this, but you're gonna have to work with her more closely than ever to meet your kids needs".
The reality is that after divorce, exes will be collaborating more than ever in their kid’s lives. Homework, school, sports, birthdays, etc. All must be arranged with juggled schedules, different parenting philosophies, opposing priorities, and without the loving benefit of the doubt which most couples give each other when decision making.
So how does the divorced Dad stay involved in their child’s life?
Communicate clearly. Its tough when emotions are involved, but staying focused on what’s best for your children and not straying into games or name calling is critical.
Mediate. Especially when establishing a new normal as single parents, having a professional help you both communicate and come up with a plan everyone can live with is essential. Trained court certified counselors/mediators are expensive. But their early involvement will save you stress and conflict.
Have a written schedule. Take all of the uncertainty out of parenting time and allow everyone to plan outings, quality time, vacation etc.
Let it go. You’re not going to get to spend every holiday or day you want with your child. But putting your child first means understanding that having their other parent involved is just as important as the time you spend with them.
Disagree in private. The quickest way to traumatize your children after divorce is open parental conflict. Many studies show that divorced kids are more hurt by parents fighting than living separately. Never bad mouth, alienate, or fight with your child’s mother in front of them no matter how justified you may feel about it. Save your discussions for when the kids aren’t involved.
This Father's Day, we want to thank all of those unsung guys who stuck around after the divorce. The ones who attend the dance recitals, drive to the birthday parties, support the kids emotionally, and who are present in their lives. The Dads who through patience, guts, and unwavering dedication, put their kids first. It's a tough job co-parenting after the marital love is gone but someday; you're successful, well adjusted kids will thank you for it.
José Borrego
Attorney- Family law, Work and auto injury
Joseborregolaw.com
(916) 446-4911
